Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Don't ask, just laugh
Why Chuck Norris is the man...
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
5. While filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection
19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero
31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
I know it's missing some numbers... but who the fuck cares, right? This got me laughing so hard that it prompted my mother in law to shout from the other room "Are you ok?"
Don't know who Chuck Norris is? I'm not gonna tell you. Do your own fucking research!
Monday, January 16, 2006
I got stabbed...
In the nose!!!
Check it, yo...
The jewlery is the tiniest stud that they had with a clear gem in it. I absolutley love it, and it didn't hurt nearly as much as I was anticipating.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Money is nice
First part of my paycheck spending is done. I got two pairs of jeans for only 68 cents. How did I manage that? Cus I'm just that damn good.
I went to Target, cus that's where I got my last pair of jeans, and I loved those jeans. They had a clearence rack full of jeans, all for about 20 bucks a pop. So, I found a pair identical to the ones that I got before, and another pair with a cute embrodery on them. Then, when we got up to the cashier, I found an old gift card from the wedding in my wallet. I thought it was one with only 2 dollars or so left on it, but I was wrong. There was $40 left on the sucker!!! My total ended up being $40.68, hence my only paying 68 cents for two pairs of jeans.
But, I just tried on the jeans, and the embrodered pair dosen't fit. I know I should have tried them on in the store, but I was feeling all yucky and bloated earlier. Makes no sense, though, considering that both jeans are the same size and brand. I guess they cut that pair differently or something... Oh well, I just take them back and get one size up, I guess.
Next step in cash spending? Getting my nose pierced on Monday with Jess! Oh, and paying Jess and her sister back for the money that I borrowed from them... but I'm really more excited about the nose piercing.
Andrew and I went out to the sushi bistro tonight. Gah! It was soooo yummy! It's nice to get out and do something fancy with him.
Oooh, and he bought me the Gwen Stefani cd tonight! *drools* I loooove Gwen!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Comic whoring, woo!
Read Crap I Drew On My Lunch Break!!! I promise, it's great! Political satire, rat jokes, DDR, and a Professer Snape fetish, there's something for everyone!
Rat stuff, yo.
Gaz's tail condition was steadly improving lately, then the other day we took a look at her, and it looked like the scab had been ripped open. We kept an eye on it, and it looks like their's another, smaller, wound near the tip of her tail, and the tip's starting to turn black. I'm was very worried about her...
The boys (Ed and Gir) had gotten fleas's/whatever again! It was looking like the treatment that we were using wasen't working. So, I was going to call the vet about them.
But, the morning that I was going to call, I checked on both boys, and I coulden't find a single flea on either one of them. I'm going to keep an eye and if any little critters pop up again, I'm going to call the vet first thing.
So, I ended up taking Gaz to the vet instead of one of the boys.
Gaz hated the visit today. First she had to ride in a scary car in the little travel cage, and then we made her stay still while some weird man looked at her tail. At one point she freaked out and ran up my arm. When the assitant went to get her off, she hooked her front leg through my tragus piercing. That was no fun!
The vet told us to give her antibiotics twice a day, and to keep her by herself for a while so that her cagemates coulden't mess with her tail wound. My poor little girl!
...and my ear still hurts...
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Von does, bitches! Forget all the stupid poser anorexic's, forget the stress, forget the fucking bills... lets just focus on how much I rock, shall we?
Ok... now that that's over... on to the post!
I saw a wild fucking rat in my room the other night! I was so freaked out all night that I coulden't sleep. Every single noise had me wondering "is that the rat?" Dosen't really help when you have six pet rats that share your room with you. Mother in law is going to call the exterminator tomarrow... Thank the gods!
So, I did temp work at my mother in law's office today. Basically helping her get caught up on a bunch a little things. I'm going in there tomarrow, too. Yay for money and easy work!
How do you guys think I'd look with a nose stud? Cus I'm totaly fucking getting one with the money from this temp job!
I hope I can temp a few more days next week, too, cus Bread Co. still hasen't called me back. I don't wanna call them!!! *cries*
I've done 30 minutes workouts for the past two days on the exercise bike. Why? Cus I rock! Didn't we go over this already?
In other news... Beth (my sister in law) is leaving to go back to college Friday. Lets all wish her a safe trip there and good luck in her classes. I know you can rock that school, kid!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Boo! Hiss! Internet drama!
I got told that I was fat by a "recovering anorexic" today. Woulden't you think that if she understood what it was like to hate your body, she'd spare you the fat jokes? Besides, attacking someone's weight is so uncreative!
I wish I could say that it didn't upset me, but of course it does! I opened up to this girl, and all she did was use it against me... and people wonder why I had so many trust issues in the past?
But, this girl is a pillhead single mother who lets her mother raise her son, so I guess she dosen't have much else besides internet drama. Maybe instead of getting pissed, I should feel sorry for her. Can I do both?
Sunday, January 01, 2006
My arm is effin' killing me! I don't know what I did, but it will randomly start throbbing and the pain is so intense that I want to start crying.I have some perscribtion strength Naproxin that I got a few months back for my carple tunnel (which has not been an issue lately, thank the gods), so I took a double dose of it this morning. It helped alot. Now the pain is starting to come back, which mean that I'm going to need to take more soon.
Since I just haven't been hungry lately I'm making myself eat two slices of bread before each Naproxin dose. So, that makes four slices total, and I also ate about a handful of chocholate covered peanuts... and I've been drinking ALOT of water (since the bottle says the pills have to be taken with "plenty of water").
I just took a normal sized dose...
It looks like my little girlie, Gaz, is getting an infection in her tail from where the mouse attacked her. There's swelling around the wound, and the tip of her tail is starting to turn to a blue-ish hue. Not good.
So, I started her on an antibiotic last night. I was doing research on rat injuries earlier today, and I read that a salt water bath will help prevent infection and promote healing. We've also been putting Neosporin on the wound... but there's no way that I know of to wrap the wound after we treat it, so she just ends up licking the Neosporin off (I can't imagine that tastes very good).
It's been a crazy few weeks, rat wise!!!
New years eve was fun. Andrew and I ate shrimp, drank wine, and did some other things that you don't get to read about. =P